Wait

I got it wrong.

Several months ago I heard the Holy Spirit speaking a single word. The word was wait. At that time, I felt that the significance of this word was meant to tell me to be content in waiting in the house that we were in. Wait there. Wait there until that house sells. We were just renting this house when the owner let us know that she was listing it for sale. At first, I saw it necessary to start looking for another house right away because I didn't want the inconvenience of having to "show it" while it was on the market. After hearing this word though, I felt that we needed to wait there... Show the house.... Stay until the house sold. We worked on our landlord to allow us more than 30 days if it sold while we were in it. She wasn't so obliging.

Instead of putting my trust in the One who deserves it more that anyone else, I panicked. Thirty days just isn't enough time for a family of five with two dogs to find a home and vacate!! I know now that having that attitude was the same as me saying that there are boundaries when it comes to my God. Wow.... Just when I was thinking that my spiritual maturity was going places.

Fast forward two months after moving into the cottage. It is cute, this little place. It is cozy, and it is what we call home. However, it doesn't feel like home. It feels foreign most of time and temporary. It feels like we are staying in a hotel for an extended amount of time. As I type these words, the boys are over on our old street playing with their friends. J and I are sitting in this quiet cottage. The only noises are the ones being made by the wind chimes outside and and the loud noises within my own head. I am disappointed in myself for getting this word wrong... For not trusting! God can and will provide for his people in any and all circumstances, so WHY didn't I know that He would do this for us if we just WAITED for the right place to come along?

It's loud and clear now. There is no mistaking where I made mistakes in both my actions and my thinking. I pray that God extends mercy and grace this week as we meet with a mortgage broker regarding what's next. If we cannot buy this summer, then I pray that my heart, my eyes, my ears and everything within me listens clearly to the next word that comes. I pray that I am obedient and that I don't take the word and try to make sense of it myself. Instead, I want the Holy Spirit to guide me. I have guided myself and this sweet family instead of letting Jesus. I don't wish to continue making this same mistake.

Jesus, make your voice clear... Make your presence known to me as we go into this week of finding out what's ahead. Please forgive me for my mistakes. Forgive me for not putting my trust in You! I want to follow You.... Direct me on this path starting today.