It's been days since I have looked at houses for sale online. That might not seem like a big deal, but it is. It REALLY is! We have been in this little place for almost exactly two months now. More days than not, I have awakened in the morning and done a countdown in my head before my feet have hit the floor. At some point throughout the day, I find the time to sit with my iPad and gaze through the pages of MLS... Looking for the "perfect home" that we simply cannot buy yet. I know Jason thinks I'm out of my mind. He wonders why I bother since we're not in that market at this time. I tell him that it's what gives me the push to make it through these days without my house though. Sad, isn't it? I have even gone as far as to drive by some of the houses that I have learned about in the ads. I drive by and wonder, "Is this the one? Is this the neighborhood for the boys? What about the street... Is it too narrow, too wide? Are there enough trees? Will it be the kind of neighborhood that is still when it should be and bustling at other times?" I do all of this and think all of these things and then I wonder why I'm doing this.
God has spoken to me about this, and I became quiet enough to hear Him just this past week. That is why I have stopped looking... And guess what? There has been a peace that has filled me so suddenly and so completely full! I have been weepy all week. The smallest things have struck me hard. I believe it's because I have let some huge walls come down and I am abiding with the Holy Spirit instead of abiding with myself. I have been gentler with my boys this week. I have treated others with much more kindness. When asked how I'm doing in this little "cottage", I am finding it harder to complain and easier to be content. Today I even got a little touch of the "nesting bug". The Lord has been so incredibly patient with me, and now He rewards me with this...
This peace that COMPLETELY passes understanding.
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