Wait

I got it wrong.

Several months ago I heard the Holy Spirit speaking a single word. The word was wait. At that time, I felt that the significance of this word was meant to tell me to be content in waiting in the house that we were in. Wait there. Wait there until that house sells. We were just renting this house when the owner let us know that she was listing it for sale. At first, I saw it necessary to start looking for another house right away because I didn't want the inconvenience of having to "show it" while it was on the market. After hearing this word though, I felt that we needed to wait there... Show the house.... Stay until the house sold. We worked on our landlord to allow us more than 30 days if it sold while we were in it. She wasn't so obliging.

Instead of putting my trust in the One who deserves it more that anyone else, I panicked. Thirty days just isn't enough time for a family of five with two dogs to find a home and vacate!! I know now that having that attitude was the same as me saying that there are boundaries when it comes to my God. Wow.... Just when I was thinking that my spiritual maturity was going places.

Fast forward two months after moving into the cottage. It is cute, this little place. It is cozy, and it is what we call home. However, it doesn't feel like home. It feels foreign most of time and temporary. It feels like we are staying in a hotel for an extended amount of time. As I type these words, the boys are over on our old street playing with their friends. J and I are sitting in this quiet cottage. The only noises are the ones being made by the wind chimes outside and and the loud noises within my own head. I am disappointed in myself for getting this word wrong... For not trusting! God can and will provide for his people in any and all circumstances, so WHY didn't I know that He would do this for us if we just WAITED for the right place to come along?

It's loud and clear now. There is no mistaking where I made mistakes in both my actions and my thinking. I pray that God extends mercy and grace this week as we meet with a mortgage broker regarding what's next. If we cannot buy this summer, then I pray that my heart, my eyes, my ears and everything within me listens clearly to the next word that comes. I pray that I am obedient and that I don't take the word and try to make sense of it myself. Instead, I want the Holy Spirit to guide me. I have guided myself and this sweet family instead of letting Jesus. I don't wish to continue making this same mistake.

Jesus, make your voice clear... Make your presence known to me as we go into this week of finding out what's ahead. Please forgive me for my mistakes. Forgive me for not putting my trust in You! I want to follow You.... Direct me on this path starting today.

Peace That Passes Understanding

It's been days since I have looked at houses for sale online. That might not seem like a big deal, but it is. It REALLY is! We have been in this little place for almost exactly two months now. More days than not, I have awakened in the morning and done a countdown in my head before my feet have hit the floor. At some point throughout the day, I find the time to sit with my iPad and gaze through the pages of MLS... Looking for the "perfect home" that we simply cannot buy yet. I know Jason thinks I'm out of my mind. He wonders why I bother since we're not in that market at this time. I tell him that it's what gives me the push to make it through these days without my house though. Sad, isn't it? I have even gone as far as to drive by some of the houses that I have learned about in the ads. I drive by and wonder, "Is this the one? Is this the neighborhood for the boys? What about the street... Is it too narrow, too wide? Are there enough trees? Will it be the kind of neighborhood that is still when it should be and bustling at other times?" I do all of this and think all of these things and then I wonder why I'm doing this.

God has spoken to me about this, and I became quiet enough to hear Him just this past week. That is why I have stopped looking... And guess what? There has been a peace that has filled me so suddenly and so completely full! I have been weepy all week. The smallest things have struck me hard. I believe it's because I have let some huge walls come down and I am abiding with the Holy Spirit instead of abiding with myself. I have been gentler with my boys this week. I have treated others with much more kindness. When asked how I'm doing in this little "cottage", I am finding it harder to complain and easier to be content. Today I even got a little touch of the "nesting bug". The Lord has been so incredibly patient with me, and now He rewards me with this...

This peace that COMPLETELY passes understanding.

A New Chapter

Writing is something that I have used as therapy for many years. I remember going through life as a young girl with my journal by my side. I had lots of girlfriends, and I had very supportive parents who were always available. Writing is what made sense in the end though. It's what I still do today. Therefore, it seems appropriate that I would begin this new chapter....

A chapter of eager patience. I know, oxymoron, right? It seems appropriate in this season though. Some days I wake up feeling restless and eager for what's next, and on other days I wake up with a peaceful and patient spirit. I am learning there is purpose in both.

The Lord has me on this journey. On these pages, I want to share where He has had me and where He is taking me next.